the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
vagina is talking i cant
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
