I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
