just come out here and I will go home with you...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
