How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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