Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
