Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I still have a little drunk in my system
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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