Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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