My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
