Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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