Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
