he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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