I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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