Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
