My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
