conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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