RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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