he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
