The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
