Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
