I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
