there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
