Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
