OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
