To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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