You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
