you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
