i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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