I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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