I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
