You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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