u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't put those talents on a resume
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
