fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
