So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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