So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
jump out the window naked night went bad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
