So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
