Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
