dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You can't motorboat a personality
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
