i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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