I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
