Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
