if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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