She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
