that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
