Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
