Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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