the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
