Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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