I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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