piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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