He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
