it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
