not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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